I just threw up on my dentist
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
