You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
