i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Randomize
