They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
