the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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