Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
