fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
