Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
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