I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
