Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
