i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
