Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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