This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
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