He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Randomize
