i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
