just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
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