Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
