All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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