Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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