8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
