She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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