I wish I could punch you in the face.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
