Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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