38 yer olds are good kisserssss
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize