Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
