Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
