I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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