just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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