like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
