apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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