NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
