You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I have post one night stand depression
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