I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
kristin has been a bad kristin
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
