My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
