just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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