from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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