is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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