my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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