A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
