A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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