She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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