oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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