Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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