she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
