people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
