so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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