I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I FOUND THE LEGS
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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