you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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