One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
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