I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Randomize
