There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
