guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
