Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
