Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
