I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
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