i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
My apartment stinks of burning failure
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize