If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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