U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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