I seem to have left my pride at pride
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
My breasts were aching with rage.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize