Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
