omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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