I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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