I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
