I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
