That's when you crack a 10am beer
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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