I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize