I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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