In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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