i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
