My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
