when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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