sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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