My boss' voice literally gives me gas
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
