2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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