I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
