I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
