There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
