are you still at the devil's house?
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Randomize
