is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
