Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
