Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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