he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
