Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
