he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
