I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
