the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
