Betty ford says i'm here all night
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
