i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
