if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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