Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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