if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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