this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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