you guys were way drunker than both of me
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
