My cat gives me a boner
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Randomize
