I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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