I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
