really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
