Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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