im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
4 words: hood of his car
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
