I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
