my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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