Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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